Hi there, I'm Hank. Here's what you need to know about me: I don't try to make the kids in my class laugh, but somehow I do. Spelling is my worst subject. (Come to think of it, so are math and reading!) I try hard-I really do. So why does my brain always freeze into a Popsicle? More than anything, Hank wants a dog. But before he can get one, his dad is laying down some rules. First, Hank has to improve his grades. Next, he has to prove that he's a responsible pet owner. Can Hank get his brain to cooperate, so he can get his new furry best friend?
Dear Reader,
If you have just picked up this audio, then it is not too late to put it back down. Like the previous books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, there is nothing to be found in these pages but misery, despair, and discomfort, and you still have time to choose something else to read.
Within the chapters of this story, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire encounter a darkened staircase, a red herring, some friends in a dire situation, three mysterious initials, a liar with an evil scheme, a secret passageway, and parsley soda.
I have sworn to write down these tales of the Baudelaire orphans so the general public will know each terrible thing that has happened to them, but if you decide to read something else instead, you will save yourself from a heapful of horror and woe.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky.
In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odour.
In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent, hilarious and deftly crafted. Never before has a tale of three likeable and unfortunate children been quite so enchanting, or quite so uproariously unhappy.
Like a car alarm, bagpipe music, or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, hearing this all-new audio edition of The Bad Beginning will only upset you. This unique multi-voice recording brings the first book in Lemony Snicket's alarming A Series of Unfortunate Events to such terrible life that no one should really have to experience it. Unless you have an ear for such ghastly details as a tragic fire, a nefarious villain, itchy clothing, and cold porridge for breakfast, all narrated in chilly detail by the distinguished, and disturbed, Tim Curry with a team of talented readers, you would be better off listening to something else.
Featuring Tim Curry
Dear Listener,
You are presumably looking at the back of this audiobook, or the end of the end. The end of the end is the best place to begin the end, because if you listen to the end from the beginning of the beginning of the end to the end of the end of the end, you will arrive at the end of the end of your rope. This audiobook is the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can't stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents.
I also shouldn't mention the features of the interactive CD, which include:
Perplexing word games Photos from The Lemony Snicket ArchivesArt from The Brett Helquist galleryIt has been my solemn occupation to complete the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would drop this audiobook at once, so the end does not finish you.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
After any harrowing struggle, it is nice to consider checking into a hotel for a rest. In fact, this might be just the break Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire could use after their wearying deep-sea adventure.
A hotel can be a good choice for any family vacation. With so many floors, such a variety of rooms, and a curious array of guests, spending time in the safety of the right hotel can be the perfect learning environment for children of any age. A keen researcher like Klaus, an adept inventor like Violet, and a sharp-toothed culinary master like Sunny are all sure to find engaging diversions during their stay.
Regardless of how they pass their time while at a hotel, the three siblings will be sure to take in all the interesting sights and sounds -- and write them down -- just in case this episode turns out to be the darkest yet in a series of unfortunate events.
Meet Petunia.
More than anything, Petunia wants a pet.
'I'll feed my pet every day,' she promises her parents. 'I'll take her for walks. I'll read stories to her and draw her pictures.'
Petunia knows she can take care of a pet, but what happens when the pet she most desires is a skunk?
The unnamed minifigure star of I'm Fun, Too! returns, and this time he's brought new friends -- monster friends! When our hero
tries his hand at making monsters out of LEGO bricks, he learns that anyone can make a monster, but it's so much nicer to make
a friend. It's an all-new, heartwarming, and funny picture book that is so fun, it's scary!
This big-hearted story of kindness-reminiscent of The Day the Crayons Quit-is written by the bestselling author of Ordinary People Change the World and illustrated by the Caldecott Medal-winning creator of Beekle.
Sunday quit, just like that. She said she was tired of being a day. And so the other days of the week had no choice but to advertise: 'WANTED: A NEW DAY. Must be relaxing, tranquil, and replenishing. Serious inquires only.' Soon lots of hopefuls arrived with their suggestions, such as Funday, Bunday, Acrobaturday, SuperheroDay, and even MonstersWhoResembleJellyfishDay! Things quickly got out of hand . . . until one more candidate showed up: a little girl with a thank-you gift for Sunday. The girl suggested simply a nice day--a day to be kind. And her gratitude made a calendar's worth of difference to Sunday, who decided she didn't need to quit after all.
When we appreciate each other a little bit more, all the days of the week can be brand-new days where everything is possible.
It's a crazy morning at Charlie's house. His day gets flipped upside down when a monkey shows up and eats his pancakes. Charlie struggles with the little primate and builds confidence along the way as he takes control of a sticky situation. Charlie is a confident little boy who has a talent for making up fabulous stories. This first audiobook of the series introduces Charlie and his unique character.
It's the hotly anticipated sequel to the winner of the Roald Dahl Funny Prize, WITHERING TIGHTS - laugh your tights off as Tallulah Casey and her bonkers mates return for a new term at Dother Hall performing arts college. Boys, snogging and bad acting guaranteed!
Yaroooo! Tallulah's triumphant Heathcliff in 'Wuthering Heights' the comedy musical was enough to secure her place at Dother Hall performing arts college for another term. She can't wait to see her pals again, Charlie and the boys from Woolfe Academy and maybe even bad boy Cain...
Could the bright lights of Broadway be calling? And for who? Find out in the next Misadventures of Tallulah Casey.
Praise for WITHERING TIGHTS:
'I don't know how, but Louise Rennison has done it again. Tallulah is even funnier, warmer, and sweeter than her cousin Georgia Nicolson. I fell in love with Withering Tights, and you will too!' - Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries and Abandon series
Have you ever wondered why, when you throw a flat rock, it never flies straight...and accidentally hits your sibling in a vital organ? Have you ever survived a night in a den of 40 snorers intent on rearranging your circadian rhythm...forever? Did you ever blow up cuisine in the microwave and then try and hide it from your clairvoyant mother...by sucking it up in her vacuum cleaner?
If so, then these stories are right up your alley!
Follow the author and his family and friends in their rollicking adventures sledding down the dreaded Sleddin' Road, riding in a Volkswagen Rabbit that expels more exhaust than a convention of chain smokers, and practicing 'Premeditated Bear Situation Thinking' while out in the woods. Just try not to laugh as you hear about the cutthroat cookie-decorating contest of Christmas 2007 or as the author guinea-pigs his younger brother in a game of spit wads. Reminiscent of Patrick F. McManus yarns and Erma Bombeck columns, these stories are sure to get you laughing.
Born in Idaho, raised on ice cream, and schooled in calamity and disaster, author James D. Beers tells the 'somewhat true' tales of his zany life from a unique and humorous perspective in A Knack for Embarrassment, his first collection of short stories.
