Humor Audiobooks

The World's Worst Teachers

Millions of young readers have loved the World's Worst Children tales - now they will revel in this delightfully dreadful collection of the most gruesome grown-ups ever: The World's Worst Teachers. From the phenomenally bestselling David Walliams and illustrated in glorious colour by the artistic genius, Tony Ross. Think your teachers are bad? Wait till you meet this lot. These ten tales of the world's most splendidly sinister teachers will have you running for the school gates. Dr Dread teaches science and is half man, half monster... Watch out for the ghastly Miss Seethe. She is ALWAYS furious - and she's on a detention rampage. And as for Phobe, he's a teacher with a real difference. He is bone-shakingly terrified of... children! Millions of children have loved the World's Worst Children - now they will revel in this delightfully dreadful collection of the most gruesome grown-ups ever, The World's Worst Teachers. Brought to you by number one bestselling author, David Walliams, with every story illustrated in glorious colour by artistic genius, Tony Ross.

David Walliams (Author), Adjoa Andoh, Emma Fryer, Helen Mccrory, James Goode, Jan Ravens, Jon Culshaw, Paul Panting (Narrator)

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The World's Worst Children 3: Fiendishly funny new short stories for fans of David Walliams books

From the phenomenal number-one bestseller David Walliams comes another collection of more hilariously horrible children! Just when you thought it was safe to go back to your bookshelf, 10 more horrendously hilarious stories about the absolute worst children ever! From ten-year old Hank and his endless pranks on his poor, long-suffering family, to Tandy and her titanic tantrums - this brand new collection is the perfect companion to World's Worst Children books 1 and 2 and an ideal gift for the worst children in your life! This compendium of catastrophically horrid boys and girls is brought to you by the phenomenal number-one bestseller David Walliams and a brilliant cast of comedy gold! 2018 marks the 10th anniversary of the publication of David Walliams' first novel, The Boy in the Dress.

David Walliams (Author), Doon Mackichan, James Goode, Jocelyn Jee Esien, Jon Culshaw, Nitin Ganatra, Paul Putner (Narrator)

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The World's Worst Children 2

The brilliant follow-up to David Walliams' bestseller The World's Worst Children! Ten more stories about a brand new gang of hilariously horrible kids from everyone's favourite children's author. If you thought you had read about the World's Worst Children already, you're in for a rather nasty shock. The beastly boys and gruesome girls in this book are even ruder, even more disgusting and WORSE than you could ever imagine! This glorious collection of ten stories from the master himself, David Walliams, will make you snort with laughter and thank your lucky stars that you don't know anyone like Gruesome Griselda or Fussy Frankie in real life. It also features a special appearance from fan-favourite Raj! The World's Worst Children 2 is a side-splitting companion to David's blockbuster hit, The World's Worst Children, perfect for fans aged 9 and up.

David Walliams (Author), James Goode, Morgana Robinson, Nitin Ganatra (Narrator)

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The World's Worst Children

READ BY DAVID WALLIAMS, with Nitin Ganatra as Raj - listen to David perform these ten cautionary tales introducing a delightfully dreadful cast of characters. Are you ready to listen to the World's Worst Children? Five beastly boys and five gruesome girls! • Like Sofia Sofa - a TV super-fan so stuck to the sofa that she's turning into one! • Or Dribbling Drew - a boy whose drool gets him into trouble on a school trip! • And not forgetting Blubbering Bertha - a girl who bawls and tells terrible tales! From Number One bestselling author David Walliams comes this collection of wickedly funny, deliciously mischievous tales, read by the author himself and Nitin Ganatra as Raj.

David Walliams (Author), Nitin Ganatra (Narrator)

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The World Needs More Purple People

#1 New York Times bestseller!  Actress, producer, and parent Kristen Bell (The Good Place, Veronica Mars, Frozen) and creative director and parent Benjamin Hart have a new challenge for you and your kids: become a purple person by embracing what makes YOU special while finding common ground with those around you.   What is a purple person? Great question. I mean, really great! Because purple people always ask really great questions. They bring their family, friends, and communities together, and they speak up for what's right. They are kind and hardworking, and they love to laugh (especially at Grandpa's funny noises)! A purple person is an everyday superhero! How do you become one? That's the fun part! Penny Purple will lead you through the steps. Get ready to be silly, exercise your curiosity, use your voice, and be inspired.   Looking to reach beyond the political divide of red and blue, Kristen Bell and Benjamin Hart have created a hilarious and joyous read-aloud that offers a wonderful message about embracing the things that bring us together as humans. This book will inspire a whole generation to paint the world purple!

Benjamin Hart, Kristen Bell (Author), Kristen Bell (Narrator)

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The Woebegone Twins

When twins Greta and Feliks lose their beloved Aunt Gisela to a poisoned marzipan cake and are sent to the ill-omened Schwartzgarten Reformatory for Maladjusted Children it seems their fate is sealed... that is until they are rescued by the glamorous and wealthy Olga Van Veenen, a fabulous children's author. The two twins are grateful but something tells them that Olga's motives are not entirely genuine... 'A deliciously dark invitation to the strange world of Schwartzgarten.' WE LOVE THIS BOOK

Christopher William Hill (Author), Simon Shepherd (Narrator)

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The Witch's Vacuum Cleaner: And Other Stories

Poor Mr Swimble is having a bad day. Rabbits are bouncing out of his hat, pigeons are flying out of his jacket and every time he points his finger, something magically appears - cheese sandwiches, socks . . . even a small yellow elephant on wheels! It's becoming a real nuisance - and he's allergic to rabbits. His friends at the Magic Rectangle can't help, but the mysterious vacuum cleaner he saw that morning may have something to do with it . . . Fourteen fantastically funny stories from master storyteller Sir Terry Pratchett, full of food fights, pirates, wizards and crooks! 'Arresting stuff! So funny it's criminal!' - PC Gorsebush Jones

Terry Pratchett (Author), Julian Rhind-Tutt (Narrator)

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The Witch's Cookbook

Do you have a fairytale heart? In the magical world of Faerie lives a young Sgahm named Tardnattle. The Sgahm are a simple, wee folk who love cooking, long walks, friendship and above all else, doing the right thing. But what happens when doing the right thing means returning a strange cookbook to an even more terrifying witch? A cauldron full of trouble! Join young Tardnattle and friends as they journey to return 'The Witch's Cookbook'.

Vee James (Author), Hannibal Hills (Narrator)

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The Wind in the Willows

For more than a century, The Wind in the Willows and its endearing protagonists have enchanted children of all ages. Whether the four friends are setting forth on an exciting adventure, engaging in a comic caper, or simply relaxing by the River Thames, their stories are among the most charming in all English literature. Alternately slow-moving and fast-paced, the novel is notable for its mixture of mysticism, adventure, morality, and camaraderie and is celebrated for its evocation of the pastoral nature of the Thames valley.

Kenneth Grahame (Author), Andrew Wincott (Narrator)

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The Wills and the Won'ts

Dr. Seuss's The Sneetches and Other Stories meets The Wall in the Middle of the Book in this pitch perfect, rhyming story about breaking down barriers and embracing our differences. An angry old Won't and a cheerless young Will lived next to each other, on top of a hill. They squabbled and quarrelled, did nothing but fight. If one said, 'It's day,' said the other, 'It's night.' 'Your dog wrecked my roses!' 'Your trees are too tall!' 'There's one way to end this: WE'RE BUILDING A WALL!' The Wills and the Won'ts can't seem to agree on anything, so they build a wall to keep the other out. Until a hopeful young May realizes that perhaps they can find some common ground, if only they work together. A fantastically timely and timeless read-aloud with the bouncing rhyme of Dr. Seuss and a message that will resonate with readers of all ages: Tolerance and togetherness put us all on the same side.

Angela Woolfe (Author), Sean Patrick Hopkins (Narrator)

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The Willoughbys Return

Now a Netflix animated film starring Will Forte, Maya Rudolph, Alessia Cara, Terry Crews, Martin Short, Jane Krakowski, Séan Cullen, and Ricky Gervais! It's been 30 years and with rising temperatures melting icy mountain tops the previously frozen Willoughbys have thawed out and are about to return! From living legend and Newbery medalist Lois Lowry comes a hilarious sequel to New York Times bestseller The Willoughbys--now an animated film starring Ricky Gervais, Maya Rudolph, Terry Crews, Martin Short, Jane Krakowski, and Sean Cullen on Netflix! Although they grew up as wretched orphans, the Willoughby siblings also became heirs to the the Melanoff candy company fortune. Everything has turned out just splendidly, except for one problem: Richie Willoughby, son of Timothy Willoughby, is an only child and is quite lonely. Winifred and Winston Poore have long admired the toys of their neighbor Richie Willoughby and finally befriend the mysterious boy next door. But just as Richie finally begins to make friends, selling sweets is made illegal, and the family's fortune is put in jeopardy. To make matters worse, Richie's horrible Willoughby grandparents--frozen atop a Swiss mountain thirty years ago--have thawed, remain in perfect health, and are making their way home again. What is the point of being the reclusive son of a billionaire when your father is no longer a billionaire? What is the future without candy in it? And is there any escaping the odiousness of the Willoughbys? These are the profound questions with which Newbery medalist and ignominious author Lois Lowry grapples in The Willoughbys Return.

Lois Lowry (Author), Jorjeana Marie (Narrator)

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The Wild Ones

For fans of Warriors, Spirit Animals, and Redwall--the next great animal fantasy adventure is here! Kit is a young raccoon who has lived his whole life under the Big Sky. But when a pack of hunting dogs destroy his home and kill his parents, Kit needs to escape. He finds himself in Ankle Snap Alley, a city in the midst of a turf war between the Wild Ones and the people's pets who call themselves The Flealess. There he uncovers the secret that they died for--an ancient truce that gives Ankle Snap Alley to the Wild Ones. But the Flealess will stop at nothing to keep that secret buried forever, and Kit is in serious danger. Only the brave of heart and quick of paw can save the Wild Ones now. Perfect for fans of the Warriors, Spirit Animals, or Redwall series, this first book in the Wild Ones epic is sure capture young readers' imaginations and take them on a great adventure. Praise for The Wild Ones: * "The action is fast-paced, the dialogue hilarious, and the supporting characters true to their animal personalities. Animal fantasy lovers will frequently chuckle; younger children may enjoy hearing the book read aloud."--School Library Connection *STARRED REVIEW* “Raccoon hero Kit and his ragtag community of creatures will sneak their way into your imagination and steal your heart. They may pick your pocket, too, but they’ll take you on an adventure you won’t soon forget. This is a fantasy that kids will adore (and quick-of-paw parents will steal). A wild ride from a wildly imaginative author.”--Katherine Applegate, Newbery Medal-winning author of The One and Only Ivan and the bestselling Animorphs series "Bold deeds, betrayals, and buffoonery kick off this series with gusto."--Kirkus Reviews "The sharp, lively descriptions ('like dynamite in a silk purse') shine while the exhilarating finale illustrates that home is wherever your 'howl to snap' friends live."--Publishers Weekly "Readers will root for Kit as he tangles with scoundrels, liars, and even a hungry crocodile....A promising new series for fans of animal adventure."--School Library Journal "With rich vocabulary, a satisfying quest, and some dastardly villains, this will be an easy pick for middle-graders who love animal adventure stories."--Booklist From the Hardcover edition.

C. Alexander London (Author), William DeMerrit, William Demeritt (Narrator)

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